We have a choice to see what we want to see in people. We choose what we want to believe about them and what we want to focus on. It’s a righteous challenge when we determine ourselves to see the best in people, to entertain their best, and draw from it. This takes a lot of inner self-confidence, and a security level that is oh so hard to come by. In our daily interactions with friends, family members, and co-workers, things about a person will jump out at us from time to time – a flash of greatness, a peace in feeling understood, and even inspiration. However, sometimes the thing that strikes us most is a misunderstood sense of resentment.
One truth has been made very clear to me as of late.
This is, the things we tend to dislike most about others are usually the things we most dislike about ourselves.
“Man I hate it when I do it, but I REALLY hate it when you do it.”
We leave from spending time with someone and a feeling inside us lingers. Hard to describe at first, but the taste the person has left in our mouths and spirits has made their impression hard to swallow. Doesn’t mean we don’t like them or hold proper affections towards them, but something has rubbed us the wrong way. At some point we are made able to see the worst of ourselves in others. This experience is extremely frightening and awkwardly revealing. Interestingly enough, when this happens, I find myself taking on a different role. Instead of understanding that the individual is like me and therefore far from perfect and a human in repair, I go on the pretentious offensive and make judgments based on the little evidence at hand, all to often.
“He’s cool, but he’s definitely kind of prideful, which is fine – no one is perfect”, or maybe…“ She’s a dope girl, but she always has to be right!”…“ They need to learn how to humble themselves and take instruction better”.
These are all things that I catch myself accusing people of on a regular basis while knowing all along, that these are issues I perpetually deal with. If you listen to the things a person continually accuses others of, you’ll soon discover that the person they are really accusing and judging, is themselves. I wonder, how then, can we break such a “normal” habit which creeps into our daily lives so easily?
I do believe that for this predicament, the solution does not lie within us. Instead of practicing a new age philosophy of solely worrying about and thinking about my well being, my problems, and my short comings. I want to be challenged to dwell on others this time. There is a place where we can love without liking. Where we decide to uplift the best in others, and also love the things we don’t like about them. Now this doesn’t mean that we have to accept those things or endorse them in any way, but to call for a substantive change, we have to care, and caring is a form of love. And love, is a steadfast commitment to the well being of another. I don’t pretend to know the exact way to experience breakthrough on this topic, but i do believe there has to be an answer out there. I hope I’m on the right track.
Encouraging you makes me encourage me. Uplifting you, makes me become uplifted. True love beckons us to find perfections in imperfections. If I can teach myself how to uplift the good in others, while recognizing they are human like me, and loving the faults that go with their humanity, I can be a very free individual. And being free is fun!
If I can train myself to love the me in you, I just might fix the you in me.